I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
