The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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