i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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