You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
