You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
