Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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