am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
