so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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