What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
