Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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