does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
