On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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