I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
