I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
