Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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