So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
