dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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