Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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