i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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