Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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