ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
