I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
