Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
