do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
