Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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