This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
