3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
