Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
