1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
