I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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