Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
