Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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