Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
