You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
