WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
