He passed out mid-signature
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
