somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
