my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
