My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
