Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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