i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
