All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
