I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
