i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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