I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
