Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
