so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
