Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize