I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize