Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
