Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
