i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
