it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
