Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
