I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
