He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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