whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
