I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize