I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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