God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
