Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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