I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize