Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
