11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
