The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize