I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
