she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
