this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
