question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
