what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
