I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
