Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need to calm my uterus...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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