The maid of honor just puked.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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