names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
