Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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