He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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