I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize