He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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