Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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