So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i came on her dog
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
