just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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